Rituals that will make you happier
• The rituals that will make you happier
People are deeply respected sages of antiquity. But for some reason, do not read their works. Interesting fact: if you choose the books in the "classic", rather than the self-help shelves, your chances of living a happy life significantly grow. And for the happiness we are quite enough ideas, known for thousands of years.
1. We are not upset events, and beliefs
Imagine, you are departed loved one. You feel sad? The world will never be the same again?
Now imagine the same scenario, but in the end you will know that this man - a psychopath who killed three of his previous partners. Are you upset that you left? No, you're scared!
It is clear that the fact that the separation is not as important as your view of the situation.
If you lose your job and are confident that it was a bad position, and the search for a new place will not take much time, then you do not worry. If you are convinced that it was the best work, and other such you will never find, you are devastated.
Our emotions are not accidental, they come from our thoughts.
"Stoic teachings show that there is no good or bad events, there is only our perception of what is happening. Shakespeare made it this way: "There is nothing either good or bad - it is thinking makes all those." And Shakespeare and ancient philosophers assure us that the world is indifferent and objective. As the Stoics say: "This happened to me" and "It happened to me, and it's terrible," not the same thing. If you focus only on the first part, you will be more resilient and will be able to make something good out of all that would be with you no matter what happens. "
The teaching of the school of Stoicism was adapted the famous psychologist Albert Ellis and influenced the formation of rational-emotional behavioral therapy - the main method of helping to overcome a range of serious problems, from depression to uncontrolled rage. Most of our experience is caused by irrational beliefs.
The next time you encounter a negative emotion, do not focus on the events triggering. Ask yourself how your thoughts are rational:
If my partner left me, I never recovering from this.
If I lose my job, my life is over.
If I do not read to the end of this post, the author will hate me.
These judgments are irrational, and they provoke anxiety, anger or depression.
Change your thinking, and you will be able to cope with the emotions: "Even if he / she leaves me, I'll meet someone else. It has happened before, and I did it. "
But what do you do if you are worried about the future?
2. Control what you can and ignore the rest
You know the Serenity Prayer? (Its author - Reinhold Niebuhr, American theologian, who lived at the turn of XIX-XX centuries):
"Lord, grant me the ability to accept what I can not change, Courage to change the things I is subject, and the wisdom to distinguish one from another."
Reinhold Niebuhr came to this idea in the thirties of the last century. Stoics preached this simple idea 2000 years ago. The philosophers of antiquity, much attention is paid to control, but still were not crazy about it. The key idea of stoicism: "Can I have any influence on this?"
If yes, do it. If you can not ... mean that you can not. Experiences do not lead to anything other than stress.
"According to the teachings of Stoicism, often something that worries us - this is something on which we have no control. For example, I have planned for tomorrow, an important matter, and I'm worried about the rain. It does not matter how much I'll be nervous. Rain from it will not stop. The Stoics say: "You'll not only be happier if you learn to distinguish between a situation in which you can and can not influence what is happening, but also to become more productive and effective, if direct their energies entirely on that for which have control." The next time you worry about what is happening, stop for a moment and ask yourself: "Can I influence events?" If yes, then stop worrying and get to work. If you are unable to control the situation, the experience will not improve the situation.
Sadness, anger, emotions - is an irrational reaction, and not the best way to react.
How, then, relate to events that are not going according to plan?
3. Take everything, but do not be passive
With this paragraph is the most problems. No one likes the word "take". For many, it means to accept and surrender. But this is not the case.
Let's look at it another way. What is the antonym of the word "take"? Deny. No one has ever recommended to deny what is happening.
Albert Ellis advised the people to exclude a word from his speech "should". "Should" - is negative. Whatever you want, your expectations will not prevail over reality.
My children should behave. (But they do not do that)
The road should not be so loaded. (But we have an hour standing in a traffic jam)
Rain was not supposed to go. (But a downpour Street)
Negation - is irrational, and irrational beliefs - the root of negative emotions. So the first step - is to accept the reality of the present. But this does not mean that you have to be passive.
You accept the fact that the rain. Denial and "should" do not change anything ... But it does not mean that you can not take an umbrella.
"In our understanding of the decision - a synonym for humility, but to the Stoics it means to accept the facts as they are, and then decide what to do with them. The problem is that due to our expectations, we perceive the decision as a submission to circumstances, when in fact we have no idea what might happen. As the Stoics say: "Let's not waste energy on looking for what is beyond our control, it is better we take these facts, let's move on and see what you can do with it." The next time, when things go wrong, as it was intended, do not deny, accept it. Ask if you can influence what is happening? If yes, do something. If not, ask yourself whether your beliefs are rational.
This is how you come away from "There was to be rain! Now we can not go to the park! The whole day is spoiled! "To" There is rain, then no hike in the park. Let us then see a good movie! "
So we discussed the Stoic doctrine of how to cope with negative emotions. It is our protection. Now let's talk about the attack - on how to improve the situation.
4. Decide whose child you
I know, I know, it sounds pointless. Give a moment, I'll explain everything.
All what we have said before, there is in my head. And as we have seen, it was out of my mind come almost all our problems. But if we want to improve the situation, it is necessary to learn from other people.
You are not alone in this world. So many things you can learn from other people: role models, mentors. Seneca, one of the pillars of Stoicism, expressed this idea in a beautiful saying that I really love:
"We like to say that we can not choose the parents that they are determined by us by chance, yet we really have power to choose, whose son want to be."
When I spoke with Professor Anders Eriksson, author of the theory about 10,000 hours of practice, which are able to make anyone an expert, he said, if you want to become better in any field, the first step - is to find a mentor.
Anders: "We need to talk to someone who is admired, something that performs at a level you would like to achieve. The presence of such a mentor will help you understand what may need to change to achieve the desired level of proficiency. Ask this person how he reached his, ask for help to identify what is stopping you at this point to achieve the desired, and what are the next steps in the direction of the target. " The next time you are faced with an obstacle, think about the person who admires. Studies show that the question "What would ________ done in my place?" Can have a strong positive impact on your behavior.
Role models and mentors are great help to achieve a better version of yourself. However, how to make sure you really cultivate? How do you know that you are progressing on the chosen path?
5. Morning and evening rituals have a significant impact
A huge number of studies confirm that rituals can greatly improve our lives. What kind of rituals Stoics recommended?
Morning and evening rituals. One - to help you prepare for this day, and the other - to assess how was that day, and that can be corrected in the future.
"Stoicism teaches us to start the day with a ritual that would resemble something with which we are faced. Marcus Aurelius said: "Today, the people you will meet will be ..." and then he listed all the negative traits that could meet during the day. This is not a pessimistic attitude, he said: "Now that you already know all this, then do not take things at his own expense and try to understand why people behave this way, forgive and love them in spite of it." The Stoics believed that it was necessary to begin the day with meditation, preparing themselves for the future, and to finish, thinking about what had happened, and that can be corrected. "
The Stoics did not believe in perfection. They saw that we are in a constant process of work on oneself. You can always get better. As Seneca said: "As long as you live, keep learning to live." To summarize:
Five points, as the wisdom of the ancient philosophers can help you to be happier:
We were not upset events, and beliefs: only the end of the world really means the end of the world.
Control what you can and ignore the rest: concern has never corrected the situation.
Take everything, but do not be passive: no one advises denial. Take. And then act.
Decide whose child you: that Batman would have done in this situation?
Morning and evening rituals have a significant impact: plan your day, and then sum up.
Book of Marcus Aurelius' Meditations "begins quite unusual: he enumerates all, before anyone is indebted for their help. It is a kind of thanks list.
Stoic philosopher paid a lot of attention thanks. In "Reflections" Marcus Aurelius wrote, "Do not focus on the things that you do not belong, as if they were yours. But count the blessings that you really belong, and think about how much you would want them if they were not yours. "
Thousands of years later, scientists will support him in this belief. Studies show that by presenting his life without the cherished moments, people are starting to appreciate what happened to them. It makes us more grateful and happy.
"What if I'd never met her companion / zu life? If I had not had children? I'm so happy that they are in my life. "
You do not need all those shiny baubles to be happy. Stop for a moment to realize the value of great things that you already possess.
We tend to overestimate the originality. Sometimes ideas, which for thousands of years - that's all it takes to be happy.