"I wish we played chess!". Internet users share funny stories about the "Fail" in bed, which they regret 100%

We all will certainly happen in the lives of those moments that other than full, epic and memorable "Fail" certainly can not be called, and sex - this is not an exception to this sad rule. It's great when the long winter nights in the depths of your memory pops up a couple of pleasant moments from the past that warm the soul and inspire new feats. But the sex of the category "epicfail" - it's not cool at all, and the luckless heroes of our article today proudly fall into this second category of Honor "winners in life."

So, today we have prepared for our dear readers a little podborochku stories from users of the social network Reddit, which tell about the amusing, absurd, and at times frankly shocking when instead of sex, they really would rather play chess parteyku. P.S. Number two - it's just a gesture.

"And then, then, a snake crawls out ..."

"Once we met by chance to work with my ex, go have a drink, remember the past, in general, we decided to try again, and the bar is somehow gradually moved to my home. Here we must digress, I love exotic animals, and I live at home a few snakes and lizards. "

"One day before the damn snake crawled out of the cage and hid somewhere in the apartment. I'm not particularly looking for, know that it is not poisonous, living with me for a long time, he knows, so to speak, the terrain, and sooner or later will come back, so let him walk. So, more to the point. When the former is almost was on me, this scaly bastard suddenly crawled out from under the cabinet and crawled right between us. Former afraid of snakes (even though she is the snake, to be honest), and when she saw that bloody reptile, she screamed, grabbed from the floor and took off underpants from the apartment. More than we have since had not spoken. Embarrassing happened. "

Worst tin decades (we warned)

"In short, she was dumb as a stool, but she looked like a walking advertisement Live Pornhub. She was also without complexes, and, if I played my cards, he could unleash it on almost everything I wanted. I thought that's it, my love, with which I will live to old age in a sexual paradise and die during orgasm. And then ... then I really had an appointment with the psychologist. "

"Once during that same I felt that I suddenly became difficult to enter it as if something hurt inside. There would have to guard me and fell at a speed of 120 km / h in the city, but I had already robust design to drink, so I pull their socks up, and then began a tin. It was not just the pain, it was such a pain, as if my boyfriend biting teeth Satan himself. I tried to put out, but I like pincers grasp it. I seriously thought that it is necessary to call 911 for physicians and disengage us come. "

"When I have still got to break out of this trap of death, hell, it was something. Below the belt, I was all filled krovischey and even some stinking filth, the smell of which I have never in my life will not forget. She was all in krovische, the whole room was in krovische, she screamed in pain on the bed. I immediately called an ambulance and the doctors have taken to the hospital. They said that she had a cyst there, ferris brush, and I accidentally broke it or crushed during the process. Lord Jesus! When I asked her how she could do this to me two months every day and not notice that she had a cyst there, she replied that she was, of course, it was a bit painful, but it is not a reason for abstinence ... ".

Fair Deal

"I used to be a guy, by the way I'm glad it dropped. So, I just could not sleep, so I definitely need to make this moron hugged me at night, and he said that he was so uncomfortable, so I'll manage. So, I had every evening with him to bargain: oral sex in exchange for hugs. "

A new method of contraception

"Once a guy picked up a club, and we went to him. Sex was so-so, but I won what he did after. I consistently take control, but it this once and did not ask. So, after we finished, he suddenly blew up, ran to the kitchen and brought a bottle of tequila and began to shove it to me, shouting: "Ha, drink! Drink it! It is necessary to disinfect the body. We have to kill all the potential of children, which we have done today! ". New super-method of contraception. "