As for 20 minutes to settle the dispute with a partner
It is enough and 20 minutes. If you want to end a dispute over the time and not spend the rest of the day to think about the subject of the dispute and possibly of giving offense, you have to get involved in the dispute, knowing what your goals and work towards achieving these goals. Here are 6 ways to help you.
Be able to empathize and anticipate
Rapid termination of the dispute requires vision. Once the spores begin, think about how it will end.
What are the goals of your partner? What are his claims? What is the essence of the dispute?
According to Lance J. Robinson, a practicing criminal defense lawyer in New Orleans, it is necessary to restate in your own words what the other person is telling you about their needs, desires and expectations.
Once you do this, ask whether you understand it correctly.
This may seem like a waste of time, but in reality it will save precious minutes and will help to avoid misunderstandings.
It is necessary to understand the needs of each
You have your own needs, your partner own. In relationships it is necessary to take into account everyone's needs.
Taking into account their needs and respecting the needs of others, you will be able to overcome differences and resolve the dispute faster.
"The needs vary depending on the specific situation", - says psychologist George Ball. "In order to resolve the conflict in a short period of time, it is necessary to identify priority needs. Once they are identified, you can resolve disputes more efficiently. "
Be able to negotiate
A bit of creativity and open-mindedness - and your odds will come to naught quickly.
Instead of spending all your energy and stand up on its end, the first to offer the partners a new approach to solving the conflict.
Perhaps you are not ready and are not going to waste your valuable time in the kitchen. It turns out that you are completely shift the responsibility for food preparation at his partner. What is not a reason for serious conflict? Your stubbornness and principled position will not help to resolve it. It would be better to offer the partner creative options that will mean that you have done your duty, but in a different way. For example, on the way home, you can pop into a cafe and buy ready meals, which like both you and your partner, or order delivery pizza at home. There are many different ways to achieve the same goal.
Try to solve each other's problems
Try to solve the problem to your partner and then ask him what he thinks to do with your problem.
Let's say you have only one car, and both of you need it just today. Agreeing on who is one of you will take advantage of the car, both of you need to focus on how you or your partner can get to where you need to.
Thus, you may think, a way to get around is acceptable to your partner, and he can do the same for you. Perhaps, your arguments would be so reasonable that your partner agrees to use the car you are today, and it will be convenient to take a taxi. Or, of course, vice versa.
important as the decisions and emotions
If you want to resolve the dispute quickly, it is not necessary to argue, more importantly - practical solutions or emotions. It is important to both. Think about how you can perform a task and meet the emotional needs at the moment?
Perhaps the problem can wait until morning, so you can relax and talk about the emotional needs.
Or, perhaps, the task will be executed immediately, but you will agree when you can listen to each other.
Do not try to have the last word was necessary for you
When a decision is reached, do not be tempted to say something else. Do it - especially in order to have the last word is yours - is like a blowtorch to ignite the fire, you just put out. If your conversation draws to a close, and the decision has already been matured, you have to believe that it will be done. Then stop talking about it, otherwise the progress will be undermined.