Wise ways to deal with conflict in a family
Famous quote Nelson Mandela is: "To take offense - it's like drinking poison and waiting for him to die that your enemies." While many family conflicts do have good reasons, most still caused by a simple insult to insensitivity, unfair or irresponsible behavior.
Continue to be offended or to deal with such problems can be a terrible waste of time and effort for all involved in the conflict. If you realize that adds fuel to the fire of a family quarrel, then these tips on how to defuse the situation for you.
Focus on the problem, not the person
If a family member accuses you of something, it is very important to be careful in self-defense. Use methods that cause pain and hurt - a bad idea, even if they can help you prove it.
For example, if you remember the case when the other person was doing the same, in what is now accuses you, it would be wrong to throw it to him in person. Talking about it is worth only if you have no other choice, and make sure you do it with respect.
Be more liberal
When you are constantly having friction with someone from the family, it is very easy to believe that any irritating thing this person does deliberately. Willful misconduct - a rare case. Often people are too busy with their own lives, to have more desire to annoy other trifles. Usually, the reasons for which people do anyway, much more complex and well-grounded.
Remember that all people are different
Even if usually someone from the family does not agree with your desires quite adequate, you need to understand that different people do see even basic things quite differently. If you, for example, consider any noise after midnight unacceptable, while others may think it is quite acceptable. They may need a lot of time to change their behavior in accordance with the requirement that they do not understand.
Think about the conflicts that bother you now. Check if there is similarity with the conflict going on in your parents. People who grew up with parents who constantly quarrel over trifles, often repeat their behavior. Try to get rid of such habits.
Understand that memories tend to change
The old family disputes all involved are very different memories of what happened. The mind has a tendency to constantly change the way of remembering the events to such an extent that the memories, after all, to do with the actual events nothing.
Discuss this with your partner, maybe no one will remember the real cause of the problem. Ask if you can start all over again.
Think about the children's disputes
When kids argue, they often cause only a smile from their parents. Adult amusing to observe how children are kept open for his pride in matters that do not have any value. This will help you think about your disputes in the same vein.
For more mature people your argument would seem funny? Understanding how stupid sometimes take someone too seriously, it can help overcome some of the problems.
What if it happened to someone else?
On whatever you were angry, consider how seriously you would have perceived the situation, if it happened to someone else. Better yet, think like you are dissatisfied with your friend, if he behaved the same way with someone. Such withdrawal feelings of comfort zone can help you understand what your problem is not as serious as it seems.
Think about that time heals
Try to remember the problems that seem serious to you many years ago. If you can barely remember them now, you can be sure that the problems that seem serious now, with time will seem insignificant. Save time and forget about them today.
Use the anger to the attack, and for the prevention of
Anger - a very useful, but dangerous emotion. It can charge you with energy and give you strength when you need to protect yourself or your loved ones, but it can also cause you to a completely wrong reaction. Realize that anger is good only as a source of energy, but not as the head of your actions.
Think about how you care about the other person
Families are curious community - even family members often do not feel each other nothing but insults, but they are all next to each other in moments of serious problems.
When you hurt someone, think about what you would be willing for the sake of this man, if he was in trouble. This will help you soften.