9 of the rules for moms of boys
It was about a year ago. I, the heir, a small cafe. Around people. Son delves into the phone, we have something to throw words, and then he asks, "Mom, what better watch porn?"
Nearby tables freeze. Puzzled turn on the child's voice (the voice was still a child).
- Firstly, the quality, professional. It is usually paid. Secondly, I, for one, prefer the US, from official Porno studio, but it's a matter of taste - I answer. - The main thing - not shabby home video, but it is always miserable, and totally avoid video violence and pedophilia - do not spoil your karma ...
Men forget about women, which came. Women all kind show a perturbed fi. My son and I continue to talk about porn, why, what, and how. Because most of all for me at this moment it is important that my son is not shy at age 12 and is not ashamed to ask me such questions! And he does not care - we hear someone or not.
This is what I call trust.
We grew up and grow up without a dad. In other words, I am a single mother. And I knew from the beginning I have to have some special mother to smash to smithereens a ridiculous stereotype that single-parent families = dysfunctional ...
I worked on the confidence of his son from the very birth. And I continue. Because I know that it is lost in a moment, but earned over the years.
Over the almost 14 years of motherhood formulated for themselves the basic laws of the trust:
1. Never laugh at her son.
For a man, a woman is always a mockery injury, taunt mother - this is a very deep trauma. Whether you laugh over the fact that he accidentally put his pants on the left side, over the fact that the curve of the dog painted, or on the fact that the girl confessed his love for a neighboring desk. Your smile will be remembered for a lifetime! And it will never be forgiven.
2. Always answer all his questions.
Any age! And no "because gladiolus" or "grow up - you learn." Always - all. Do not know the answer - say so. Then ask - and answer. Hesitate? Question of the child made you blush? Excellent - you can now analyze your another complex. After all, it is your complex. Do not embed it in the psyche of the child. Answer that question has placed you in a dead end and you need to collect my thoughts. Ask a delay for an answer. Children are usually easy to give it.
3. Ask the son of Council, taking a decision.
You can not imagine how easily a child can sometimes solve your "adult" problem, over which you have fought for years! Any! On "what should be our future flat" to "why I always quarrel with someone" and "I'm doing wrong." So the boy learns to be a man, support and decision-making. And you show him your trust and respect.
4. Forget the words "I told you so!".
Even if you say, but he did not listen - plug this song! Forever. You may not compete with the child in whatever that may be, and "I told you" - this is a competition in which the mother is happy, "victory" ... you were right? Rejoice in silence! He will understand everything.
Admire without any but "only here to correct here." Just cool!". Your baby is doing great! When he grows up - he will see for himself that it was necessary to "correct".
6. Keep any of his dream.
"I want to be an underwater archaeologist" - cool! Buy books on the subject. And now, "I want to be an artist." Too cool! Buy books on the subject. And then, "I want to be an engineer" ... scheme realized? Cool! Believe me, he really defined only by the age of 20.
7. If the baby cries ...
This means there was a trouble. Insignificant to you (in the garden gave a terrible rice porridge instead of your favorite buckwheat), but huge for him! For him any trouble - a giant. Because the world of the child is still too small to get lost in the mess of its scales ... And if there was a problem - you have to appease! No matter how many years the child was. You are obliged to appease! This dogma, the law for your future rapport with him: the child must not weep inconsolably. Never.
8. Do not lecture him.
Hopefully, here comments are not needed.
9. You are always on his side.
Not only in words. But in deed. You never assents to teachers who complain about it, never yells at him "for the company" with other family members. In public - he is always right. YOUR SON IS ALWAYS RIGHT!
And then it can be, is not afraid to ask you about the unseen. Because it will know that you're not going to yell at him: "What's that for ?! questions" or "Shame on you!" Because you will trust. In other words, he will be your sure. The dream of every mother. It can be achieved.