Relationship - Responding to criticism correctly
human indignation at times there is no limit. The reason may be a variety of things: slander, gossip, hypocrisy, rudeness and many other unpleasant behavior patterns of others.
But a truly universal scale up to an explosion of emotions about the criticism against us, capable not only to provoke a conflict, but also significantly reduce self-esteem criticized.
A nerve cell is known to be recovering very slowly. While it is possible to do in the moment of perception and criticism without their participation. Do not believe me? Then read this article and I promise, you will be convinced of the truth of such a bold statement.
Every day we are faced with people totally different both executed in our life roles (bosses, parents, husband / wife, friends, neighbors and so on.) As well as on personal qualities.
None of us is immune from the daring attacks, unjust accusations and it is justified comments regarding the appearance of the work performed, the appropriate actions. Here are just a reaction to such statements are not always the same: it all depends on who and in what form the liberty / had the courage to declare openly about our shortcomings, leaving categorical, even biting phrases in our same person.
Response options "strike" a few - look at the pros and cons of each.
The plot unfolds according to the principle: "Strength of equal strength of opposition."
It is the most common reaction to the dynamic behavior of the kicker. How come we have such wonderful, such miraculous, called goofy, incompetent, useless unfit, and in general, accused of all mortal sins! Of course, the best defense in this case - the attack. At least that's what most people think. And this is the wrong choice of course of action, because the latter is aimed at inciting conflict. To us it is important to not just walk away from an argument, and repay it at the root, and to dot the "i" so that criticize us human is not any desire to continue begun with great enthusiasm.
Another disadvantage of this type of reaction to criticism - a manifestation of excessive emotionality, which will certainly please the enemy and spur him to further charges. Thus, as a form of attack on the comments made in response able to develop into a major scandal.
It lies in the fact that we explain the reasons for his behavior kritikanov, miss, that is simply to shield himself.
Suppose the chief points to mistakes made by the employee in the performance report or indignant violation of the deadline for submission of the document, in this case, of course, blaming a subordinate of irresponsibility and even, perhaps, threatening dismissal.
In response, the victim of official grandeur anger, depending on the presence / absence of guilt mumbles something unintelligible, trying to prove a valid reason of what happened to him an incident, or vice versa, with dignity lists the factors that led to such disastrous results, but at the same time showing the injustice boss charges .
Unfortunately, this method rarely works positively for the criticized, because the authorities are usually not waiting for an explanation, and in the case of those plunges into the vortex of negative emotions with renewed vigor.
Obstinate as officer - a continuous headache, if in addition he is also leading a reasonable argument as a justification, it turns out that the chief himself is not right, he crossed the line, with a completely baseless. Tell me, who wants to undermine its credibility? Even more wrong is the reaction when an employee is fully acknowledges his guilt and, therefore, the validity of accusations made against him since then ... apologize.
So he deliberately puts himself in a humiliating position, and the role of doormat nobody paint. Especially such a reaction is disgusting, if the words kicker no grain of truth, and the accused understands this.
3. Failure to
I must say it is quite an effective response to the criticism, because nothing is as exasperated as meeting scathing tirades cold indifference. In this case, the phrase "Silence - consent" does not work.
But there is one "but": not everyone can afford to listen to speech for the prosecution, without saying a word. Especially because at the same time being on the other side of the barricade is not going to end, and gradually falls into a violent rage. Even aphorism is: "Whoever kills a word finishes in silence."
In the end, kicker understand that he did not break the wall of silence, and is likely to stop their attacks. Maybe forever. Here are just a relationship with that person may be damaged permanently. And no wonder: after all, his opinion is not only not taken seriously - it has nothing to criticized does not. So maybe he kicker for the selected blacklist as a defense - an empty place ..?
Reaction purely female, because men usually do not cry - the men are upset. But the one and the other does not generate sympathy in the heart completes the "justice" - will only cause irritation and prove the guilt or drop tears.
Of course, there are exceptions, where such behavior can be interpreted as remorse and sincere frustration over the failure. But this applies only to close, loving people criticized because the comments made by them not to humiliate - they focused on his education and improvement of personal qualities (mother-child, teacher-student, etc.). Yet tears - an indicator of weakness, but a demonstration of their own inadequacy in this or that question and upset about it suppresses human more.
So you can not take criticism because identifying someone of our shortcomings (of course, if it is true) should be an occasion to correct them, rather than self-flagellation. Learn from your mistakes, remember?
5. Avoiding conversation
Also quite practiced response to the attempt on the part of someone else to figure out the reasons for our actions. it is usually as follows: we say something like "I am very tired (a), let's fast forward to our conversation tomorrow." If the striker does not agree to these terms - get up and go in silence, giving thus to understand that they will not go on about the enemy.
Happens, the person walks away from an unpleasant conversation in another way: by using phrases like "I think I got sick (a) - head hurts," "not to clarify the relationship to me now - I have now this happens! .." and so on.
Basically kicker successful "switched" to throw him a problem-bait, then safely forget about the conversation. This method works, but it is quite a short time, as is constantly coming up with excuses not possible, and talk in the end still have to.
All of these types of reactions to the criticism can not be called universal. Yes and disadvantages of each of them has a lot of. We also need a unique way that will neatly circumvent the conflict, surprise kicker and cause minimum damage to our psychological well-being. This method, in spite of many doubts, there consists of several stages. First, calm down. To do this, immerse yourself mentally for a few seconds in silence, make two or three deep breaths. Imagine how all your excitement, irritation caused by unpleasant remarks, provocative questions, turns into a weightless cloud and rising to the heavens, dissolved in it. Now you are ready for a decent answer. Have all of your will in a fist and start to perform ...
The second step - ask a clarifying question.
This is necessary in order to show their interest in the hear and find out what specifically dissatisfied opponent. However, the main purpose of this reception - dumbfound criticizing its unintended behavior, calling it a dialogue.
For example, the statement "How you bore me with their idiotic attacks!" Needs to be clarified: "What exactly do you mean?". Or, for example, for the question: "How long are you going to parade around the office in this hideous dress?" Should follow roughly the answer: "What you do not like it in color, style, fabric quality, the brand manufacturer?".
Tone try to give the maximum seriousness and do not lose self-control, even if you have little say in the face undisguised filth.
The third and final step - agreed with the part of the prosecution, that is true.
That is, if, for example, the boss says to you: "How dare you disrupt such an important meeting ?! What are you, a woman, to fall into a swoon ?!" answer like this: "Yes, today I could not worthy to hold a meeting as not feeling well at a temperature of 39 ° it is not surprising. "
In case it is absolutely unfair statements in your address to accept, of course, is not necessary. It should be very easy to deny the charge brought against you. Example. You ask: "Are you gone mad?"
Answer: "No, I have not gone mad. What is the reason for your suspicions, "or in other words:" Do you think I look like a lunatic? Very interesting, but what is this fact is expressed? "
And note, all without the slightest hint of sarcasm, sarcasm, and even irony, because these elements of communication in general is undesirable to use when replying to someone else's opinion - they are all just spoil.
Do not be discouraged especially because of the criticism. On it there are at least two reasons:
1) Man is not a robot - he can not be perfect from head to toe.
2) For all the good will never be - always there is someone who does not like your most impeccable manners and thoughtful behavior.
Constructive criticism is the same as a call to self-improvement, then many contacts will not be interrupted due to bubbling emotions.
Nadezhda Ponomarenko, especially for our website