Relationship - Book a rat, blue stockings and botanist
Each of us is individual sees his destiny. But there are well-established canons, according to which the life mission of men - "to build a house, plant a tree and raise a son," and women - to realize themselves as mothers and wives.
And any deviation from those formed in ancient times, even twenty years ago it was almost a crime. Now people prefer the business scope of private life is no longer perceived as scary.
However, the "portrait rat" as a common noun continues to grate on the ear. Firstly, because the remnants of the past will not become obsolete in the minds of many modern individuals. But mainly it is due to an elementary misunderstanding surrounding the motives "of book rats", which guided past waive privacy in favor of work, science and creativity. Shed light on the "mystery" and is designed to today's article.
"Book rat" female was referred to as "blue-stocking". This idiom has its origins in 1760, the year in the UK, namely - in a literary salon, organized by writer Elizabeth Montagu. And you know as what? You may be surprised, but "bluestocking" was first dubbed the ... man - a scientist Benjamin Stillingfleet, and all because of his habit of wearing silk stockings instead of black woolen blue.
"Thanks" to the subject, a literary circle Montague eventually bought a second name - "Society bluestocking." Incidentally, among the visitors to the show were many members of the fairer sex - apparently, so after a few ironic "bluestocking" turned into a humiliating and degrading designation women have a keen interest in the arts and sciences to the detriment of their direct responsibilities: taking care of the family and the household . It is impossible not to recognize the fact that the behavior and tendencies blue stocking adversely affect their appearance. A typical example - the main character of the popular some time ago, the TV series "Not Born Beautiful" Ekaterina Pushkareva.
The face of such a woman does not know the make-up, a figure dressed in a kind of unimaginable robes, on the nose "sit" disgusting shaped glasses, and his hair always fit into an old-fashioned bun. Of course, maybe the image somewhat exaggerated, but, in fact, true.
However, at the moment, it happens to be called blue stockings and pretty girls having a level higher than normal intelligence, capable to defend their point of view, backed by its sufficient evidence gleaned from books. Although it is most likely because of envy or harm, because these girls do not have to "book a rat" nothing to do.
Almost always "blue stockings" alone, and this fact is even more aggravates the negative attitude towards them. Indeed, in contrast to the clever but brilliant bitch with no pair just because of the spectacular but admirable and often serves as a role model, "bluestocking" does not explain his loneliness. Just the business sphere for it above all else and love and sex are perceived as something indecent and even stupid.
Actually cause the transformation of women in "portrait rat" is not on the surface, like many deluded, and is much deeper - in her inner world and outlook on life. The influence of parents, the dominance of their opinions about how it should look like is obliged to behave on the opinion of such a person from early childhood - is the first and most important factor that determines the further development of the individual in the direction of "ABC" . Of great importance is is not too attractive appearance, especially during the "ugly duckling" - the future of women finds itself beautiful, suffering about this, unpleasant replicas and even ridicule from peers are added experiences. In the end, she simply stops a trail and ruins "on the vine" all the makings of his own femininity.
Finally, the third reason - it complex inner world of. Such a person is difficult to converge with people, communicate. He did not understand and do not accept. The result is quite deplorable: woman withdraws into himself, referring to unsuccessful attempts to establish relationships with others, and perhaps privacy, fully switched to study, work, favorite hobby. Awkward clothes and no make-up in this case is nothing but as a kind of protection against those who are not able to see her as a woman and a man worthy of attention. But this does not mean that a girl does not want personal happiness. Maybe she just needs a man - smart and self-sufficient, who will be able to see in her personality, not understood by others ...
"Book a rat," a male called "geek" or "nerd". At school the boys stand out from the crowd extraordinary abilities and admirable tenacity in obtaining knowledge. This four-eyes-honors. They do not like, but you're asking for help.
When small "botany" grow up and turn first to the students, and then to academics, writers or programmers, they begin to enjoy great respect in society and popular with the fairer sex.
The latter aspect is in contrast to the "blue-stocking", where men bypass the tenth road, became more pronounced in the last decade as "primers" glasses literally took place pets women, displacing at the same time strong and muscular hero-lover. Much of the credit belongs to the galaxy of famous "nerds" in this process: Mark Zuckerberg, created the Facebook social network, to the eponymous hero of a series of novels in the style fantasy Harry Potter.
But, of course, not all "botany" successful - many of life consider themselves losers are afraid to get acquainted with the girls (I'm not talking about the relationship) and not produce the most favorable impression on others. Why they can not behave like the rest? What prevents them from enjoying life, entering into the general flow of people?
The reasons for a bit, but they are quite important.
First, is not impressive physique, bestowed by nature, and often - poor health did not allow "botany" in sports, hinder opportunities to fend for themselves by means of fists. All this contributes to human attention switching from childhood to alternative activities that require the participation of convolutions - science, creativity. In high school and higher education institutions such child, and then-student - "clicks" on their studies. Later, as an adult, with the head he goes to work. Thus, we can say that his whole life was held under the motto "First of all, first of all planes. Well, girl? And girls - then ".
Secondly, a bad experience on the love front (usually the first one) gives rise to "botany" pile of complexes and causes to avoid contact with the girls because of fear of a repetition miss. If there exists a woman who fall in love with this man, and this will be a one, then it will have a long time with him, "friends" before he decides on a more intimate relationship. If not solved. Fears eaten clever, bespectacled, may prove stronger than the feelings and even - elementary physical attraction. Is "blue stockings" and "nerds" are destined to connect his life exclusively to the professional field of activity, putting an end to his personal life?
In fact, solutions to this problem exist.
1. First of all, love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. This applies to the body, if your conversion reason "botany" ( "blue stocking") is the physical flaws or too beautiful appearance, and character traits that hinder you to live fully and to communicate with people (eg, shyness, isolation, silence, etc. ).. Remind yourself every day that you, though different from the others, but not inferior to them. This technique is called auto-training. It is best to hold it in front of the mirror every day, in very advanced cases - twice. You need to look at his reflection and repeated phrases, such as those listed below:
- I like myself
- I am a lovable person
- I'm sure (a) a
- I will succeed
At least a month of exercise, and you do not just believe in what say the - you feel like changing attitude to those around you. Thoughts tend to be translated into reality if mulling regularly and consistently - is a scientifically proven fact. In addition, your self-esteem will rise as a result of auto-training, and thus feel in a society you will be more comfortable. "Saith the Truth" known wisdom: "other people to treat you the way you yourself feel about yourself."
2. Thoughts thoughts, but, as the saying goes, "a rolling stone gathers no moss." This means that you need and to make concrete efforts, namely to start to change: gradually but fundamentally. Changes should affect both the psychological and the external sector of the individual. Enter your wardrobe with new colors and types of clothing to start - not too bright and defiant, visit the beauty salon, change the form of points, and even better - to buy contact lenses. The main thing here - the desire and persistence. 3. Typically, public events you prefer a solitary evening with a good book in your hands or writing a research paper. Forget about it! From now on - you are another man: who wants to "show themselves to the world" and an active interest in others. Being in the spotlight, and not hide in the shadows - here is your primary goal in the operation to destroy the role of "nerd" or "blue stocking". If the advance is anticipated to be in the company feel "at ease", take a person, next to which you will be easier to survive scares you event. But in any case, do not avoid the possibility to come together with others better, if only really interested in changing self-image and position.
4. As one of the causes of your transformation into what you represent for the time being, is the influence of parents, you need to make your life principle the following advice: listen to their opinion, but take decisions on their own. It's time. Second, it is necessary to destroy the male (female) stereotypes imposed by your parents. Remember - you are an adult. Accordingly, your ideas about certain things, and most importantly - how should look and think modern man (woman), that is, you - above someone else. Tell yourself from now on I - master of his fate, and the only means to me to choose which suit to buy in the store and decide how late to go back home with a corporate party. Report it and parents - exactly, but quite firmly, and without waiting for a response, turn around and walk away, or put the phone without further explanation in the case of a call from a distance. This step you take will make them think about and, quite likely, if not immediately, but will give positive results. 5. If the process went too far, and to cope with this task is not possible, will be very handy counseling psychologist. In fact, these experts are called just to help people with their problems.
"Transformation" to influence all aspects of the personality, but not identity. The latter is designed to attract people, not repel: it is only important in what frame to put it. But the main thing that you should understand: under no circumstances should you give up, because it is - the last thing. As the Japanese proverb: "It would have been striving, then the outputs will find" ...
Nadezhda Ponomarenko, especially for our website